YOU HAVE KIDS???

It's an honest question on a number of levels......and of course it's not one that is uttered out loud; that would be rude (so unlike me)!!  Seriously though, are there not times when you think to yourself....."how do you have children?"  This question can be raised by a number of factors, although the most common 2 reasons that I have encountered are: A) You are too ugly "inside & out" to have someone sleep with you EVER or: B) Your stupidity outweighs your ability to procreate!

Now these are just reasons why you'd ask the question "You have Kids?"  It doesn't mean the definitive answer is not YES!!!  Which in itself presents with a different set of questions with which we could be here all freaking day sorting that out. 

As the holiday shopping season is upon us we can examine more closely the reasons for the questions we ask ourselves when dealing with or in the presence of these "parents"!

We are constantly encountering these "problem parents" along our path.....perhaps you've experienced one of these scenarios:

People who don't control their bratty children - otherwise known as turn a blind eye! I've got news for you, just because you come into a store with other people in the store and a store clerk, does not mean you have a room full of babysitters.  There is nothing more irritating to other shoppers and store clerks than YOUR snotty nosed, loud, rude kid running around the place creating havoc, all the while you remain oblivious.  It makes me want to punch you.....

People who have their children on leashes - This is the opposite of the above scenario.  You think because you have your kid on a leash that you have control.....WRONG!!  What it means is; similar to a puppy on a leash; your kid is getting wrapped around other people's legs, hooked up on furniture, and whining about being on the leash.  Here's an idea....have some control!  Train your child BEFORE you take it out in public.  And for those of you that are thinking, "its for the safety of my child and guards against child abduction", I just don't get it......WHY would anyone steal someone elses child?  Have you not been to Walmart on a Saturday?

 

People who don't take their child out of a public place when they are crying, screaming, throwing a fit: - This is the most irritating of all especially when it takes place in either a restaurant or in a shopping center.  When people take the time to reserve a table for a night out so they can relax and NOT cook dinner.....they don't need to be interrupted and annoyed by your screaming kid!!  When I say "they" I mean ME!!  Oh please..I get that sometimes there is a window of when the child starts crying and the time it takes to remove them from the area.  IT'S WHEN YOU DON'T.  And those dirty looks?  Ya you deserve them...... 

And finally: 

People who threaten their children in public (this qualifies you for the UGLY inside & out award) - You have definitely seen this.  A parent who is using idle threats to try to gain the upper hand with their crying, spitting, tantrum throwing, misbehaved child.  In a Mall:  "If you don't stop now Santa Claus will NOT be coming to our house"........ At the Dr's office: "If you don't sit still and be quiet while we wait for mommy's appointment I will get the nice nurse to give you a needle, remember how you didn't like that?"........ At the child's own Birthday party: (I have witnessed this)...."If you don't share with the other kids, then maybe we should get them all to go home and take all your new birthday presents with them!"........All that these "threats" do is incite RAGE into, not only the child, but to those of us that have the pleasure of listening to the rage of the child.........

So my theory is this......we need a license to fish.........a license to teach.......a license to practice medicine.....a license to drive.....a license to get married.........and for crying out loud....if you live in the city...you even need a license to have a dog!!!  Perhaps it's time that we need to have a license BEFORE we are allowed to raise children?........Just sayin.......