YOU HAVE KIDS???

It's an honest question on a number of levels......and of course it's not one that is uttered out loud; that would be rude (so unlike me)!!  Seriously though, are there not times when you think to yourself....."how do you have children?"  This question can be raised by a number of factors, although the most common 2 reasons that I have encountered are: A) You are too ugly "inside & out" to have someone sleep with you EVER or: B) Your stupidity outweighs your ability to procreate!

Now these are just reasons why you'd ask the question "You have Kids?"  It doesn't mean the definitive answer is not YES!!!  Which in itself presents with a different set of questions with which we could be here all freaking day sorting that out. 

ONE MONTH TIL CHRISTMAS!!!

Ugh! How did time go by so fast......seems like just last year we were doing this?!  I'm trying to get myself into the holiday spirit....I really am....but it seems each year gets harder and harder!!  

You know what I love about Xmas?????  Re-gifting!!  Who doesn’t have a closet full of crap that you just can’t wait to pass along to those "deserving" friends & acquaintances!?  There are even "special crap gift" categories. 

 Disguised in beautifully wrapped boxes: 

CLEVER DISGUISE

 USELESS TRINKETS (generally picked up at the dollar store)

 UGLY SCARVES (you know which ones I mean)

 HOMEMADE CRAP (from the "Turn your garbage into $" book)

MISCELLANEOUS UNSCENTED CANDLES ( my favorite,  the  colors NEVER go with anyone's decor)

YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US!!!

YA RIGHT........!!  It is so important that when I call you for something that you pissed me off about.......I get asked, NOT MY NAME..........no but my telephone #.  And you know what truly irks me about that......it's being asked my telephone number/account number AFTER I already entered it in using the keypad on my phone. I thought I was supposed to enter that info to "better assist me".  Clearly this is just a way of killing more time.......a prolonging of the bleeding ear rendition of a pseudo Kenny G saxophone player raping yet another one of Celine Dion's songs!!!  

YOU HAVE A LICENSE?!

I'm generally a pretty laid back person (stop snickering) but there are certainly some things that pick me off!!  One of them is a person's inability to drive despite the possession of a drivers license.  I've got news for you, holding a plastic card with a little hologram and your picture on it does not make you invincible.  

I have a truck and I will use it.  

OUTTA MY WAY!!!

GIMME A BREAK!!

Kim Kardashian divorcing after 72 days.........Lindsay Lohan jailed for 30 days...............Justin Beiber father at 17!!!  DILLIGAF?  (look it up)  Can't you tell me something important.......something interesting.....something happy.......dare I say something POSITIVE?!!  Who is it that wants to know about these people?  Why must it be kept in the forefront of our minds?  Are we that controlled by our entertainment folk that we need to know their scheduled bathroom breaks?  Perhaps if those types of things were reported instead.........the frenzied gathering of "news" on these individuals would die down.........

THIS JUST IN........OPRAH WINFREY RUNS OFF STAGE WITH TERRIBLE BOUT OF DIARRHEA!!!  Yes people they actually go to the bathroom...........just saying.....